brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

brave-fart:

did you hear about the italian chef who died?

he pasta way

he just ran out of thyme

here today, gone tomato

his wife is still upset, cheese still not over it

we never sausage a tragedy coming

ashes to ashes, crust to crust

there’s just not mushroom for italian chefs in today’s world

(Source: sofunnyimcryan)

dualchainz:

  1. NO
  2. FLEX
  3. ZONE

foxnewsofficial:

cumomelet:

a riddle:

a man is driving his son to school. they get into an accident and the man dies. the son is rushed to the hospital and when he arrives for emergency surgery the doctor says “i cant operate on this boy, he is my son!” 
how is this possible? 

omg one time our english teacher told us this to try and show what a modern thinker he was and we were all like “it’s a woman” and he was like oh wow i thought he was gay i hadn’t thought of that

hippiebabysitterr:

today i heard 2 kids talking about buying fake IDs after school and so i started eavesdropping cuz u know thats big kid stuff and then one was like “yeah but is all this really worth it like im pretty sure the fake IDs cost more than the fish we r gonna buy”

to buy fish at petco u have to be 18 or older

they were going to get fakes to buy fish

(Source: lohnerism)

dullaidan:

i love vines and super short videos cause its like “man this video is only 4 seconds how much could happen in 4 seconds” so much man So Much

space-sass:

the-bookshelf-at-the-end:

When I say I want to read the book before seeing the movie, I don’t want brownie points or bragging rights. I want to be able to read the book with my imagined world and idea of the characters without the movie’s influence at least once. After you see the movie there’s always some part of it that sticks in your head for a long time and you lose the enjoyment of making it up yourself.

thank you so much for putting it into words